my room smells like sperm. sweet.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
