Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
