Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
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