well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
