): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i came on her dog
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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