There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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