There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
