I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
