Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
