Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
