I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
