im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Boobs are out for the taking
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
