tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
