Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
ttyl tear gas
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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