'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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