I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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