so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
