Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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