What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
