toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she looked like the before picture.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
