Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just gift wrapped bread.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
