Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
