Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
