I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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