I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
