Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
