You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
