Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
