sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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