so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There r osticjed everywhere
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
