so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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