I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
All the doctor said was why
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
