come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
