she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
