Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
