We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize