Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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