And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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