Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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