what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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