some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
