I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
