Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
