i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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