You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
