tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
