I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
