11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
