you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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