im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
