My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
