he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
