I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
