really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
