Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
