why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
