ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
