My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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