Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
