Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
