Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
