Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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