I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
