i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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