all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
