oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
