Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
