GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
